Fine

Wow, I am so creative with the titles of these posts. I should copyright them. ;)

Things are going... fine. Okay. Nothing great, nothing terrible. I've had a couple of evenings in the last week and a half with significant gas inside, painful, and that's confusing and frustrating. My Crohn's is ebbing and flowing with my anxieties, without the Entocort to help it, and that's frustrating. I started my food diary again because I have been having diarrhea and these episodes of gassiness, and I don't know why. Perhaps it's the food I'm eating. Perhaps it's stress. I don't know, but I'm so frustrated (did I mention that?) and hopeless about it (which doesn't help my Crohn's, which is frustrating... An endless cycle).

Please pray. Pray that God will heal me. I want to have kids, I want to eat without fear, I want to try to live a normal, healthy life.

feeling better

Yup, I'm feeling much better. Yesterday I still felt a little weird and so I watched what I ate. I think that helped a lot. Plus, we had a lot to do in the evening to distract me from my "tummy."

Thank you for your prayers. I'm hoping that I'm over the hump.

Not right

Something is not right--still--with my Crohn's. Last night (and evening) was a difficult night: I had a lot of gas inside that didn't move much. It would have been like a bowel obstruction:

(1) if it had started within two hours of eating something (instead, it started building after lunch and was at its worst right before dinner, five hours after lunch);

(2) if there had been intense cramping that escalated and then resolved with a bowel movement or passing gas (instead, there was no intense peristalsis, just a buildup of gas that didn't seem to move very quickly and just got more and more tight in my intestines. It finally began to move in a more productive manner and I eventually passed gas etc., which helped but didn't 100% relieve the gas/pain, like usual);

and (3) if I woke up feeling great this morning (I didn't. I still felt crampy but was able to pass gas etc. so I feel okay this morning but not nearly as good as I feel in the mornings, which are usually my best times).

So, it's discouraging. I woke in the night (b/c of a dream, not b/c of any pain) and had trouble falling back asleep because I kept thinking about what my doc would say if I said that I'm having trouble. I think he would send me in for that new CT scan that he told me about before. I wish I could stay on Entocort, because it helps me so much, but he prefers surgery to long term steroid use. I either have to trust his judgment or get a second opinion. And getting a second opinion might make changing doctors easier. I'm just less and less satisfied with the way he treats me and really want to switch doctors, but am still worried (as I've said before) about the stress inherent in switching doctors and finding someone that will treat me with respect and treat my Crohn's intelligently.

Please pray for me today.

Boost

I'm not feeling the best today, and haven't been for most of the weekend (afternoons and evenings). I'm feeling "Crohn's-y," which means that I have pain that doesn't just feel like gas or something like that. It is pain that is unique to Crohn's flare-ups/troubles.

I wouldn't say I'm having a flare-up, necessarily. Unless a flare-up lasts over time. I just am struggling to find foods that don't bother me. And I can think of several reasons for this (it's important for me to think this through, as you've learned by now):

1. It's just my Crohn's acting up and there's nothing I'm doing to cause it.

2. I'm finished with the Entocort now and it's probably almost completely out of my system.

3. [my strongest explanation) I'm processing--in that delayed, delayed way I have--all the stress and worrying and anxiety that I experienced the week(s) leading up to my wisdom teeth surgery. My first obstruction happened two weeks after our wedding (very stressful week), my second happened two weeks after a very stressful Holy Week at church. It's now two weeks after my surgery. Hmm...

So, I'm going to try and use the information I've gained about the way my Crohn's works: I'm going to eat as if I'm having a lot more trouble than I actually am, preventatively (meaning, no exotic foods); I'm going to exercise regularly; I'm going to pray a lot (so that I don't just do all this myself); I'm going to drink lots of water; I'm going to do relaxation exercises; and most importantly, I'm not going to be anxious about this.

We'll see how this works. I need to remain calm and not anticipate the worst (SO much easier said than done). I think I'm actually doing very well considering how much stress I put myself under. I mean, I was on Entocort both times I had the obstructions, and that's the only drug that seems to help.

I'll keep monitoring and see how I feel. I scheduled a doc appt with my gastro on June 21 (they didn't have any earlier than that), so hopefully I'll be feeling great by then, over the hump.

Thank you for your prayers.

Anxiety

So, I'm sure you've all noticed: I have issues with anxiety.

I just do.

And I wanted to say that, put it out there. I have a way, especially recently, of ruminating on something until I'm in a complete tizzy. I can't seem to calm myself down--my thoughts escalate out of proportion. And I worry about how this affects my Crohn's.

Please pray for me.

95%

I'm feeling 95%!

I am healing rather quickly, praise the Lord! And as I was saying to my mother-in-law this morning, I feel like I'm at 95%: not completely normal yet, but quite close.

I don't have any more bruising. My sockets are not so tender, which makes cleaning and brushing MUCH easier. I am not on Tylenol full time anymore, but only take it when I need it (once or twice a day, as opposed to the maximum four times a day). I eat pretty much everything I ate before. I think a lot of the things that might be too painful to eat are things I can't eat because of my Crohn's: popcorn, seeds, nuts, thorns, brambles, etc. My swelling is almost completely gone, but my husband and I agree that I still look a little different, a tiny bit puffy yet. Oh well.

So, thank you for your prayers! They are certainly contributing to the speedy recovery I'm experiencing. The one thing left to keep an eye on for me, is keeping the sockets clean. I need to make sure that I clean them fully and also keep my teeth clean, because as the oral surgeon said, those remaining teeth, especially the ones right at the back of my mouth, are the main reasons I got my wisdom teeth out in the first place!

It feels amazing to have passed this huge hurdle that I've been avoiding for so long. I feel so proud of myself. And I'm excited to have finished all my dental work. If I can stay on track with cleanings and flossing and everything, I may not have another season of fillings ahead of me. I also want to look into calcium supplements, which may help my teeth from the inside out.

Healing Nicely

I had a follow-up appointment with my oral surgeon this morning, and he said that my sockets are healing up nicely! Yippee! I was so worried that he'd say, "Oh no! You have a terrible infection! Why didn't you tell me???" Nope. I'm in the clear.

He showed me how to use a little syringe to clean out my lower sockets (the upper ones are already healed, apparently). He said, too, that my hygiene is very good. That was good to hear, because it's been hard to know if I'm doing things right, being very cautious, etc. Sorry if that's TMI.

I'm allowed to eat more foods, integrating them as I heal. He said that if it hurts, I shouldn't eat it yet. And he said that stitches, which are still in, WILL come out in due time. I shouldn't worry. ;)

It was incredibly encouraging. Just wanted to pass along the good news! Thank you for your prayers.

Less wisdom, still alive

I think I've spoken to most of you who read this blog, but I thought I'd give a blog update anyway.

I survived! Just as you all knew I would. Many of my fears were not realized: I didn't die from the anesthesia, I didn't get nauseous from the pain meds, I haven't had any complications of any kind, actually. The only problems I've had to deal with have related to the pain meds: I started them too late the first day and had severe pain until they kicked in. My oral surgeon (I'll call him Dr. S) drove to my nearby pharmacy to deliver stronger drugs to me (the ones he was prescribing couldn't be turned in to the pharmacy over the phone--they were too intense (percocet)). But the vicodin kicked in and I'm fine. He still wanted me to try the percocet, so I wouldn't have to take so much vicodin, but the percocet made my breathing slow and I got VERY tired. Just too strong of a drug for me.

Anyway, I'm doing fine. I feel much better today. The swelling isn't getting worse, but isn't necessarily better, either. I don't think my husband and I anticipated how long of a recovery this would be, but we're figuring it out. I need to rest and do all the recovery stuff: rinsing my mouth out several times a day, gingerly brushing my (remaining) teeth, drinking everything I eat (instead of chewing), taking lots of naps, and constantly holding ice packs to my chipmunk cheeks until the swelling starts to go down, which should be today.

The fear that remains for me is dry sockets. They don't appear until several days after the surgery, and you can't tell who'll have them and who won't. Of course, to me, that means I'm a prime candidate. The good news about dry sockets is that the pain is treatable, according to my doctor, so if I feel my pain escalating, I just need to call him. So far, I'm doing well.

Thank you for your prayers.

Tomorrow. 11am.

Well, in 24 hours I will have survived (Lord willing) my wisdom teeth surgery that I have been avoiding for many, many years. About ten years, I'd say. That'll feel good, the fact that I am taking care of myself, but the pain and blood and gore won't feel good. Oh well. Such is life.

I just called the oral surgeon's office to see when I need to stop eating before the surgery and if I can have water tomorrow morning, and she said that I need to stop all water and food at midnight tonight. This is because anything in my stomach runs the risk of going into my lungs if I were to throw up or something. I don't really understand, but that sounds gross and if I can avoid it, I will.

This is tricky, though, because I have medicines I need to take in the mornings, with food. I asked her about it and she said I should wait for the afternoon if I can. I guess I have to! I think it'll be okay to skip them or wait for the afternoon.

Sorry about the inane details. They're part of what keep me sane(ish).

And thank you for your prayers. I'll try and call or email or update this blog when I am feeling better (and able to talk).

Crohn's pays!

Just a quick note to tell you that I qualified to take part in a focus group on Crohn's. I think it's for the same company that did the first paid survey I did.

This focus group will take place in my nearby big town (still protecting my identity here ;)) and will last for two hours, and at the end, they'll give me $150! Yippee!

And I wouldn't have this opportunity to make some extra cash without having Crohn's. So that's cool!

Peace

I'm feeling more peaceful about Thursday than I have yet. It dates back to when I received prayer for the surgery on Sunday from a prayer minister at church. He really helped me to get "realigned," as I call it: know God as my Creator and Sustainer, know His power in my life, go to Him for my needs and not other people or things. And he prayed that God would bring peace into every moment of my days until, during and after the surgery. And I feel like He has!

Thank you for your prayers! God is answering them.

Big Bag o' Drugs

Well, it's really real. I'm actually getting my wisdom teeth out, one week from today.

And I'm getting scared.

I submitted my three prescriptions for the procedure (an antibiotic mouthwash for me to use prior and after the surgery, Valium and Vicodin) and picked them up this morning from the pharmacy. The tech handed them to me in a big drug bag, larger than a lunch bag. I carted it into work, so they wouldn't be sitting in a hot car all day, but it is so funny to me, this big bag o' drugs.

I have many worries, worries that swallowing the blood will make me sick to my stomach or make my Crohn's flare. I'm worried that I'll get dry sockets and have to get continuing treatment for them. I'm worried that the Vicodin will make me sick to my stomach the way that codeine does. I'm worried that I'll wake up during the surgery and not be able to tell him. I'm worried, most of all, that all this worrying will flare my Crohn's. What a mess!

Please pray for me, that strong reason will prevail.

Fact: I will be sedated with Valium, laughing gas, numbing agents and general anesthesia during the surgery, so even if I do wake up, I'll be too loopy to notice anything painful or uncomfortable.

Fact: Everyone swallows blood in their lives. The doctor doesn't think it'll be a problem, so why should I borrow trouble and worry about it myself?

Fact: Dry sockets are treatable, and they are not inevitable. I have endured a pain--TWICE--that a doctor told me is said to be worse than childbirth (small bowel obstruction). I think I can handle some dry sockets. (Sorry if this is too picturesque, I just think it's important for me to remember.)

Fact: My worries make things seem worse than they probably will be. I need to chill.

Bartholomew and Therese

I'm feeling fine, just thought I would check in and let you all know.

Today, I am officially down to one Entocort a day, and will continue that for a month, at which point I will stop the Entocort and see how it goes. I am a little worried, but the truth is, I'm feeling really good these days and I'm not even 100% stress-free! So, I feel like my body is in a good place and my Crohn's isn't as active as it has been in the past. Thank you, Lord!

I now have my permanent crown on the most expensive tooth in my mouth. Yippee for that! It was no fun chewing on one side of my mouth for a month when I had the temporary crown.

I am now anticipating/dreading my wisdom teeth surgery in two weeks from today. Gulp. A coworker recently had hers removed, too, and because she mentioned panic and because she's my age, I asked her for details, thinking I would get a pretty accurate picture of what I may have to go through myself. She gave me the blow-by-blow, and it was so great! EXACTLY how my oral surgeon described it (he's not lying!). So, that makes me happy. I feel more prepared. One of my favorite quotes from her email:

[One of] My suggestions to you--realize you won't feel a thing or know what's going on at all--thanks be to God for drugs!

So, I'll keep remembering that.

I'm hoping to get back into exercising; I've only been to the gym twice since Easter, and both time I had adverse reactions from my legs getting sore and swollen. I wonder if it was because I was out of shape or if I was dehydrated or if my varicose veins were acting up. I don't know. But I put the compression stockings on and eventually felt better. Weird legs.

That's the update on me (healthwise, at least)! I hope you're doing well.

Groovy

I have to share an answer to prayer:

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that one of my teeth seemed to have a crack in it. A tooth that I've had filled already and that my dentist mentioned that it might need a root canal someday. So, needless to say, I started to get worried. I told my dentist about it at church and he said he'd look at it when I got my crown.

Well, he looked at it last night, and it's just a groove in my tooth! A natural shape of my tooth that I hadn't noticed until I started to get nervous about my teeth. He said that cracks occasionally will happen along natural grooves, but there's no sign of that happening with me. And he said "If you want to pay me more money, you're going to have to try harder than that."

PRAISE THE LORD! He is watching over our finances and my health, and I am so thankful for this answer to prayer. A miracle!

Important date (for me)

May 17 at 11am.

That's when the wisdom teeth are outta here.

Thanks for your prayers!

Legs, legs, legs

Well, I could use prayer about my legs.

I did get the compression stockings, and they worked great for the first couple of days, but Sunday and Monday and today my legs (BOTH of them) were so sore and achy. I'm going back to the doc to see what I should do. I worry again that it's a blood clot in my left leg, for which compression stockings are not advised. In the meantime, while I await my doc appointment on Thursday, I'm supposed to elevate my legs and put warm and wet things on them. I think I'll take them off for awhile today and see what happens.

This painful mystery illness is really plugging into my anxiety. I worry a lot about what's going on with my legs: did I get a misdiagnosis? Why did the pain and aching set in so quickly? Do I actually have a blood clot? What is wrong with me? I try to exercise more, then when the legs hurt, I try to rest more. Arg!

I'm used to having medical problems, but they always relate back to Crohn's; I haven't had unexplainable symptoms for quite awhile now. So, I'm anxious. Please pray for me, as I continue on this journey of suffering. Please pray that while I wait some wisdom from my doctor, I learn from any redemptive suffering that God may have for me during this time.

Legs

Well, I'm recovering from Holy Week. While it wasn't as stressful as last year, it still had its challenges, and I'm weary from late nights and hurried meals and anxiety about performing, etc. Not to mention the positive stress: beloved houseguests, and celebration and dancing about the risen Lord!

I am experiencing this stress in my legs, mainly, which is new for me. They are swollen and the veins are painful: varicose veins. My doctor diagnosed them yesterday, when I was nervous that I might have a blood clot in my leg, something that Crohn's patients are more prone to. He said that the dangerous blood clots are in the large vein along the bottom of your leg, and all my pain was on the top of my leg.

Varicose veins run in my family, and I already have some, so it wasn't too suprising to receive that diagnosis. It's just that the ones I already have on my legs haven't been painful. These are painful and make my leg swell up. I've been prescribed compression stockings for when my legs are hurting or when I'm going to be imobile for awhile (like on a plane or car trip), and I'm less than excited about that experience and the price of it. Oh well.

So, I'm off to buy compression stockings so I can get some relief. Please keep praying that I will be able to exercise and work out any other stress that may be planning to hit me next week.

Wisdom Teeth

I can't believe you're all still reading this blog. Thank you for your love and concern.

My appointment with the oral surgeon went well. He's only five or six years older than me, I'd say, which is kind of odd, but he's very confident and seems to know what's he's talking about and have a lot of experience. We'll see, huh? ;)

He wants all four of my wisdom teeth out, and while one of them could wait, he said it could act up at any time and I may as well get it out at the same time. Yessir! I don't want to go through this more than once!!!

So, he's going to have me on Valium (to reduce anxiety), antibiotics (both in mouthwash form for five days prior to the surgery, and in an IV during the surgery), steroids (which they give everyone via IV during surgery), general anesthesia (PRAISE THE LORD!!!) and laughing gas (for the heck of it? I don't know, but most everyone has it, he says). And Vicodin for afterwards. Don't worry, Dad--I'll learn from Brett Favre's mistakes.

There you go. Sounds like I'll have plenty of medicinal support throughout. Now, I just pray that my Crohn's stays relatively stable.

And they have some financial planning things to help with the bill, so that's a blessing, too. All this dental work is so stressful, financially. It's so hard for me to pay money for medical/dental things--I got used to my HMO! Two of the teeth qualify for PPO coverage and the other two are the cheaper ones, so that's good.

Interesting stats that I learned:

--Only 2-3% of folks get dry sockets. And most of these folks are people who (1) smoke or (2) use straws (against their oral surgeons' orders).

--There is a small percentage of people whose minds wake up while under general anesthesia but who can't tell their doctors that they are awake, because the rest of their body is asleep. But if it happens to me, I can rest assured, because my mouth will be completely numb, so I won't be able to feel anything. (Just the kind of info I should NOT hear, huh, family?)

--There is a very, very small chance that I could suffer heart attack, stroke or death because of this surgery. (another unhelpful piece of info that his insurance probably requires him to tell me).

Despite the information overload, I feel very confident in his abilities and reassured that my teeth are not in imminent danger of falling out of my mouth or causing some awful disease if I don't get my wisdom teeth out in the next 24 hours (in my anxiety, I pictured the surgeon saying "Omigosh! You need these out tomorrow! I've never seen teeth in worse shape than this! How are you still alive? How will I figure out how to remove these complicated teeth safely and quickly! Why didn't you get these taken out in high school?"). In reality, he was calm and not terribly impressed even by my one tooth that's falling apart. He just said I should have this surgery done when I have a chance. He joked that I should wait until he's had time to recover from his Disney vacation at the end of April, if I can't come in before then.

So, it's all good. Thank you for your prayers!

Wisdom teeth

Ah, yes, the trauma continues.

I went into the dentist last night because I noticed that one of my half-in wisdom teeth was sharp, and sure enough, it's "breaking apart" and I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out right away (maybe only two, because the other two haven't grown in and might not be causing trouble).

I was able to make an appointment for Monday with an oral surgeon who has a dentist degree AND an MD, so he'll be good for dealing with my extra-dental medical complications, and who happens to be the cheapest guy in our county (my dentist said). He's cheap because he's new and wants to build his client base. But my dentist said he's great, with "amazing hands." My dentist sends people to him who've had bad jobs done at other oral surgeons and this guy fixes them. So, I feel pretty good about him. Plus, I'm going to ask him if I can have general anesthesia, which will make it MUCH easier on my stress level.

Now I just pray that it'll be covered by my PPO. The surgery et al can be covered if the teeth are impacted or are under the skin. I've never hoped my wisdom teeth were impacted until today. My dental insurance maximum benefit is all used up after the cavities, root canal and crown.

Gosh, you get all the gory details. ;)

Happy things:

I'm feeling good Crohn's wise. I haven't been able to exercise because I don't have time and I'm having trouble with a vein in my leg, but I feel pretty good, stress-wise. It's just SUCH a relief not to have to do Holy Week duties at my church like I had the past few years.

Bye-bye, Entocort. Again.

I am down to two Entocort a day, down from three, starting today. I really will miss it. I feel so much better on Entocort, and it's hard to go off it. Oh well. I think it is better for me overall, though I heard that it's not so bad to be on it longterm.

So, I tried a little test yesterday: I ate an oatmeal cookie. I have heard that cooked oatmeal is generally good for Crohn's patients (assuming you can handle soluble fiber, which I can't), and I figured, since there's a small amount of oatmeal in these cookies and they look SO GOOD, I could try one. It wouldn't kill me.

Well, my husband called it my "intestines getting muscular, going to the gym," which is what fiber helps do for your intestines (helps them get stronger) but I called it pain. It hurt. Oh well. I tried.

I'm doing pretty well. Holy Week has begun, but because I'm not heading up a major ministry at my church this year, I am not feeling stressed out. My job this year is to support my husband (and participate in one of his readings). Shouldn't be too bad, if I eat cautiously and exercise and get enough sleep.

I did receive the IBD cookbook and wasn't as impressed as I'd hoped to be. A lot of her recommendations are best for those in remission, which isn't me. There are some good pointers and some great recommendations for fashioning meal plans, and some good recipes, but I can't just make whatever she recommends without worrying about the ingredients, which is what I was hoping to do, because she uses red meat and lots of fiber, which I can't do. Frustrating. A reminder that everyone's Crohn's is different.

Blessings on you this Holy Week.

"Almighty God, whose dear Son went not up to joy but first he suffered pain, and entered not into glory before he was crucified: Mercifully grant that we, walking in the way of the cross, may find it none other that the way of life and peace; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen."