I survived!

I did survive and am here to tell you all the gory details. I apologize. You can stop reading if you don't want the blow-by-blow.

The root canal took 2 hours and numerous shots. I honestly lost count. There were many times during the procedure that I had to ask for more shots/numbing agents. I think the roots went deeper than they'd expected.

I had four roots in that tooth. The endodontist said that some people have one root in that tooth, most have two or three, but the people who are the most anxious about dental work tend to have four. That was me! So, it took longer. And my roots were interesting, too. One was spiraled at the end a bit and two were connected way down at the bottom. My jaw hurts just talking about it.

I came home from the appointment around 10 yesterday and we rested (I can't sleep when my face is totally numb--though it wasn't numb enough for the procedure!). I did end up taking a long nap after my face started to regain consciousness and that was great. I feel recovered. Today my only symptoms are a sore tooth (but not too bad, because the nerve is gone now) and a really sore jaw: I can't chew or open my mouth easily, but that's to be expected, after holding my mouth open for two hours and receiving numerous shots right near the jaw. Even with a rubber thingy holding it mostly open, I still had to open my mouth wider to get it as open as they wanted most of the time.

So, I survived! I just need to go to my dentist now and get a crown. $$$$$$. Oh well. At least there's no bacteria entering my body anymore (through my teeth, anyway)!

Bad Tooth

"Like a bad tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in times of trouble."

Proverbs 25:19

Well, tomorrow is the day that my bad tooth gets its comeuppance. 8am at the endodontist, and I'm actually not feeling too anxious. Praise God! And I've already got a movie picked out for my recovery time afterwards...

I still would appreciate your prayers on my behalf, that I would be calm, that the procedure would go smoothly from the endodontist's point of view, and that he wouldn't gauge us on the cost.

The Survey

As my husband reminded me, I haven't yet posted about my experience participating in the survey. I mentioned it in early February, I think.

The survey was set up like a blog. We went to a webpage to sign in (under anonymous codes--mine was CD147, I think) and then were directed to a website with a folder for each day. We were required to visit everyday for four days in a row, for 30 minutes total each day (I assume they tracked our logins and logouts), and we answered questions that they had divided into different tabs, different pages. This is sounding very confusing. I'll stop being so specific.

There were about 12-15 participants (all with Crohn's) and one moderator, and we were supposed to read the questions for the day, respond, and read the other participants' answers and respond to them. It was helpful to login at various points in the day to see what other people had responded and see if the moderator had asked any follow-up questions.

The questions broadly covered many, many topics related to Crohn's (CD) and living with CD. And the participants were very candid, so I followed suit. It was cathartic to be open with my thoughts and hear other people being open with theirs, and find that others shared many of the same concerns that I did. The questions covered topics such as how we liked our medication, how did we prefer medicine administration (i.e., "Would you change medication if you found an equally effective one that was administered once daily as opposed to thrice daily?), how did our CD affect our daily lives (i.e., "Do you let household tasks suffer because of your CD? Which tasks specifically?" "Do you need to pack extra changes of clothing when going on errands?), how did CD affect our relationships, how did CD affect our emotional health?, etc. Very, very good things to think about in the context of similarly-challenged people.

I felt empowered and also saddened. It was good to know that I was not alone, but hard to realize--from the other people's lives--that as CD goes on, as you get older, it tends to get worse and requires more intervention (like surgery). And I noticed that people who were diagnosed younger had more troubles as they aged. I was diagnosed not early, not late, more in the middle range. And praise God that I don't have some of the problems that many of these people had: multiple needs to go to the bathroom IMMEDIATELY (which required them to know every public restroom in their town or on the route of any trip, etc.), recovering from surgeries, not being able to have a job because of exhaustion and too much time spent in the hospital.

And I also learned that there were people there who despaired of their lives, lost friendships because of their CD (or, more likely, because of the way they handled their CD), and had no relationships or church families or joy in their lives. Then, there were others who had the same level of surgeries and pain and disability who were upbeat and hopeful and led fulfilling lives, who didn't isolate themselves and asked for help and looked for the good in situations, taking every opportunity for joy that they could find. And that last group was inspiring to me. It's not that they never were sad or felt pain, but they kept themselves from despair and were thankful for what they had. Not isolating yourself was a big lesson.

Saturday I got my $75 check for participating in the survey and treated myself to (among other things) an IBD Cookbook. I'm hoping this will encourage me to be more excited about the food I CAN eat and stay healthier.

Thanks for listening.

So, I ask you...

I ask you to check my blog regularly, and then I don't update it for over two weeks. I'm sorry.

I'm back.

I'm back because I'm experiencing difficulties again. Nothing major, but enough so that it's noticeable and disappointing.

This past week, I've been having Crohn's pain. I don't know how to explain it except that it isn't cramping, it isn't bloating, it's a pain that seems unique to Crohn's. A dull pain in my abdomen that, when severe, can make me nauseous. It feels to me like a beacon of wrongness in my body, so even when it's small like it has been, it still makes me sad and somewhat despairing of ever getting better.

Because I was doing pretty well! I was eating well, not having pain, not having to take Maalox for minor issues like I do when I'm struggling, gaining weight (though I have to say, I like being thin, now that I know that I wasn't dangerously thin, just thin for me). So, my husband suggested I blog about it, think it through.

I am very tired this week. I have been since Saturday. I don't feel like I'm catching up on sleep, getting an hour or two less than I'd like every night, and my body just needs more and more on the nights I do get a good amount of sleep. I wonder if my body is catching up on a "sleep debt."

I've lost interest in enjoying food, partially because I have some pain associated with eating, but also because I'm feeling a little down and dysthymic in general. This weather has been gloomy, and I haven't had a day off from my job in awhile, which means that I feel stuck in a routine, and even though I do like routine, I still don't like getting in ruts at work. I need a lot of variety at work.

So, perhaps all of this is because of my lack of sleep. I have a doc appointment (consultation for my root canal) tomorrow mid-morning, so maybe I'll try and sleep in until then. And maybe I'll sleep in Saturday morning if I can, before my cousin's wedding. And then next week, I'll aim to go to sleep around 9pm all week. That would be AWESOME.

Then we'll see how I'm feeling.

Just Stuff

I hate finding titles for these posts. Anyway... This post is "for the record," so I can remember it. More for me than for you, but oh well.

I'm doing fine. A couple of days ago, though, I woke up, was moving around, and had some intense gas pain that intensified when I (a) was sitting or (b) stopped moving around. It didn't hurt when I was moving around or when I was laying down. But the pain was extremely intense, causing me to break out in a sweat when it came. But I wasn't distented, nor was I having noticeable peristalsis (sp?). My husband and I walked around the block once to see if that would help, but it didn't seem to. I was so confused: I hadn't eaten anything yet that morning, or even had any water. I didn't feel bad in the night, or even during devotions.

I decided to stay home until the pain passed (I was pretty sure it wasn't hospital-worthy, but wasn't 100% positive, and anyway, I couldn't sit). I laid down awhile and then was able to go to the bathroom. Didn't feel momentous, the potty time, but after that, I felt fine. I was able to eat some toast and that went through fine. I eventually went to work, and just had some "soreness" (like a shadow of the morning's pain in my abdomen occasionally in the afternoon) the rest of the day.

The only thing I can figure out is that it was the pumpkin muffin (LOTS of fiber in pumpkin, but never bothered me before) and small glass of cranberry juice (lots of sugar, sugar = gas) that I had right before bed. I had this snack and then laid down for the night and I wonder if it just hung out in my intestines, not moving too much, building up gas, and then when I got moving around in the morning, the gas was incredibly intense and concentrated with that digested food. I don't know.

Here's what I'm going to learn from that episode:
--No snacks before bed, unless I'm going for a walk right after.
--More exercise in general would be great (and I joined the gym with my husband this week, so that should help)

There we go! Thanks for listening!

Doc appt, online Survey and more!

So, here's the news:

I had a GI doc appointment on Thursday, and it went very well. He's going to keep me on Entocort, the steroid that my body loves, for another month (during my root canal) and then start tapering after a month. We'll see how that goes. He said that if I have trouble tapering, he'll send me in for a new kind of CT scan at our local hospital (the one I've lived at a couple of times). This new scan is just for the abdomen, and I guess it's preferrable to a small bowel study.

Second news is that a site I subscribe to (thanks, Mom!) sent an email saying that there was a Crohn's study going on and those who are accepted and participate will receive $75. So, I thought, why not? I applied and was accepted! I have to sign into the site for 30 minutes to answer questions and discuss answers (it's a blog format) every day for four days (today through Thursday) and then fill out a closing survey a couple of weeks later, and then I'll get a check! And I'll also have the pleasure of knowing that I am contibuting to some medical research that may advance the process of figuring Crohn's out. Exciting! I'll let you know what happens.

In general, I'm feeling very good, though I'm still being very careful about what I eat. The probiotics are great as long as I drink enough water (I think they contribute to constipation, especially with little to no fiber in my diet). I take them every evening after supper (on a full stomach) and I really feel like they help my digestion.

I'm going to sign up for a temporary pass at a local gym where my husband goes, and see about exercise. Yoga classes are expensive or not offered at convenient times, so I'm going to do those at this gym when I can, and then just walk on the treadmill or some equivalent cardio exercise and see if that helps my stress management, etc.

Also, my husband and I went clothes shopping this weekend, partly because I need new pants. The 10-pound weight loss isn't coming back quick enough, and the two pairs of pants that fit me (one of them jeans) wasn't cutting it for dressing up for work. Thank God for Kohl's! It's amazing how much better I feel about my body when I have clothes that fit me well. Makes me less stressed about my health because I don't feel so thin. And really, I'm still within the healthy range for my height, so I don't look malnourished, I'm just thin for me.

I went up for prayer at church yesterday, just on a whim, and asked for prayer about my Crohn's. I do this often, but usually do it when I'm not doing well (and I've been feeling really good). I received prayer for healing, and he also prayed about Paul and the thorn in his side that the Lord would not remove, for His glory. The prayer minister prayed that I would be healed, but if it was God's will that I keep this thorn for awhile, that He would be glorified and that my faith and trust in Him would grow. A hard prayer to hear, but an important one. I hope it becomes the prayer of my heart. (Sorry for all the Christianese, but these words aren't empty, like Christianese can be.)

Thank you for your prayers!

B

If I had to grade my health right now, it's a B. That's pretty good! I would have given it a D or D+ a couple of weeks ago, when I was dealing with a large flare.

I'm able to eat relatively normally, just in smaller portions, being more conservative, and I'm using more Lactaid tablets to compensate for what (I believe) is a smaller ability to digest Lactose, because (I believe) that if my flare is in my most affected area, that area is the place that makes Lactase (the enzyme that digests Lactose). So, when I'm flaring, I assume I have even less ability to digest Lactose. There you go. My husband and I disagree on this point.

I'm still trying to find a way to cope with stress. I feel like every strong emotion rocks me, triggers my Crohn's in some way--pain, cramps, gas, etc. Not fun. The steroids are helping things calm down, I think, and so are the Probiotics. I'm very happy with those, especially now that I don't think they're making me nauseous like I did at first. Heck, people take them to treat nausea, so how could they cause it? It feels good to be supplementing my poor digestive system with some extra helpers--good bacteria. And at $15 for a 2-month supply, they're MUCH cheaper than the $100/month for the brandname steroids (too new to have a generic).

So, I wish I was an A+, but I think I'll only be there in Heaven. Sometimes, when I'm feeling good, I forget how it was to feel so crappy all the time. And I don't want to do that. I want to be able to cherish these times of good health and less pain, so that those memories will help carry me through the hard times and so I won't feel like I'm "always" sick. God is good. He is taking care of me.

Losing Weight

I am feeling MUCH BETTER, praise God! Thank you so much for praying for me.

The cramping has stopped, and I seem to have received wisdom about what foods to try when. The challenge now is going off of the Boost Plus (liquid diet) and onto regular food. Whenever I've made that transition, I've lost even more weight than I did on the liquid diet, I think because the foods I transition onto don't have a lot of fat or calories in them: chicken noodle soup, tomato soup, rice krispies and milk, peanut butter and crackers, etc. Low residue. And I eat those foods for several days before transitioning further; I'll be trying pasta and chicken soon, and that'll help. I think I may also sneak a Boost in during the day, too, for the calories and protein it offers and that my body can absorb easily.

I feel like a bodybuilder. ;) Except that I'm too skinny. Please pray for major weight gain.

MUCH better

Thank you so much for your prayers. I am feeling MUCH better. It feels either like the calm eye of a storm or the end of the storm. My body has been at rest all day, since I ate breakfast. It's amazing!

I have been feeling nauseous most of the day, but when I have something to eat, I feel better, so I wonder if I am just malnourished. I'm doing soups and Boost, but feeling optomistic.

Praise the Lord! Please keep praying, but know that your prayers are being answered.

Another Flare

Here is the email we just sent out, asking for prayer. I wanted to include it here. I'm not always good about asking for prayer, but my husband encouraged me to send it out far and wide.

We wanted to write again and ask that you continue to pray for me regarding my Crohn's Disease. I had a lot of pain today, a "flare," and I'm still in pain, sore, perhaps as an aftershock. This isn't the way it usually happens when I have a flare, so it's confusing as well as discouraging, as I'm on this new medication that's supposed to help. I spoke with my doctor this evening and he said to take it easy with foods for awhile, but didn't indicate that I needed to be in the hospital or something equally serious, which was good. I'm hoping that the meds will kick in soon and I can eat normally.

I can't express how frustrating and wearying this continues to be. I don't usually have a lot of patience to wait for His healing, as it comes in pills, in rest, in time, or even in a miracle healing. My husband and I would love to continue to be in your prayers for us, for wisdom about what to do when I have pain, for energy to survive these traumas, for the lasting peace and strong hope that only God can provide for us.

Thank you.

Little better...

Well, I am feeling a little better, on average. I've eaten a lot more solid food, and that feels good. I'm feeling good during the day, but the nighttime is killing me. Last night I woke up because of sharp nausea (strange adjective choice but true), but was able to take care of it with some time and some Maalox. I then laid in bed for awhile waiting for my intestines to work out some gas that they weren't doing a lot about. This was frightening, because when my body stops trying to push stuff through, that's when I go to the hospital because I have a bowel obstruction. And the pain was hard last night partly because it was nighttime and as my husband reminds me, pain is always worse at night. But I survived.

Today I'm still trying to work out that gas (I know, a little too descriptive, but it's just my family reading this, so I'm not going to be embarrassed) because my tummy is rather tight. Or sore. I don't know how to describe it. My husband and I sometimes compare how we're feeling because maybe we both just ate something bad and what feels like "Crohn's" to me might just be a normal upset stomach. Pain is such a subjective thing that is impossible to put into words (I struggled with finding the words for that sad, sad sentence, even!).

So, anyway, I think the steroids are working but I'm not sure about the probiotics. I don't have a lot of patience for alternative remedies. Please continue praying. I need prayer, I need sleep, I need trust in my Father, I need tangible ways to work out stress.

I'll close with posting the prayer I've taken from the Book of Common Prayer and put on my computer screen to remember today (forgive me if I posted this already). There is SO MUCH to meditate on in that prayer. God is blessing me with it.

O God, the source of all health: So fill my heart with faith in your love, that with calm expectancy I may make room for your power to possess me, and gracefully accept your healing; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Entocort... again

Yup, I'm back on the Entocort. Here's the story:

My Crohn's was really bad Thursday night, having gotten worse and worse, and I decided to stay home from work Friday because I was exhausted from still needing to catch up on sleep and having had a bad night's sleep that night. I also called the GI nurse, to see if my dentist appointments were causing some kind of problem with my Crohn's, and to note that when I took antibiotics, I seemed to feel better. The nurse actually answered the phone, which NEVER happens, so I got to say everything to her. She thought the Crohn's problems are more related to the stress of the dental work than the bacteria or something like that, but said to take it easy and she'd talk to my doc and get back to me if he wanted me to do anything different.

I took a three hour nap that morning and when I woke up, I had a voicemail from the nurse saying that my doc wanted me to go on Entocort for four weeks and see him before the four weeks were up. That's great! I feel like this will help me stabilize after unbelievable and incontrollable stress in my life, and I don't anticipate staying on the Entocort for very long.

My husband and I were talking more about everything, and I thought, maybe the antibiotics wiped out the good bacteria in my body and the dentist work stirred up a lot of bad bacteria and my stressed-out body is having trouble dealing with all of it. So, I called the nurse back and asked (because she answered AGAIN! amazing!) if I could take probiotics. She said sure, it won't hurt and might help.

So, after a long time of researching different probiotics, we've decided to try Udo's Choice Probiotics. I had called the unit at the hospital I was at last time, to ask what kind of probiotics I received while I was there, and the nurse didn't know but said to (1) get ones that have the most units per dose and (2) try this certain health store because they're very knowledgable there. So, we did, and after some further research, decided to try Udo's because of their recommendation and the website and the great packaging. ;) Anyway, it's 12 billion parts/capsule, which is very good, though it's a lot and I'm hoping I won't have difficulties. The health store initially recommended sticking to 2-6 billion/capsule because it might be gentler on my system, but with the nurses recommendation, I thought why not. I'll let you know how it goes. Please pray that I don't have adverse affects (no one seems to get side effects from probiotics, so that's good).

So, there you go. I'm on a liquid diet mostly while things calm down, and starting the Entocort this morning and probiotics with lunch should help a lot.

New Year

For the record, my Crohn's is not good and hasn't been for awhile (probably 2 weeks) but I can think of many good reasons for it:

1. I've been stressed--both positive and negative--since the Crohn's has gone downhill, because of the holidays.

2. I've been stressed because of spending last week at a large convention for my work. I worked long days doing stressful work, and did not eat well at all while I was there. Not to mention my lack of any sort of rhythm (eating, exercising, praying, sleeping, etc.) while I was there. I'm a very rhythmic person.

3. Food rhythms have been messed up because of the holidays.

4. I was on antibiotics for a sinus infection and wonder if when I finished them, they left me with a deficit of good bacteria in my body with which to handle my food properly.

5. I am having three teeth filled tonight (permanent fillings now) and three filled next Wednesday. Needless to say, I'm sticking to the Valium during this stressful time.

So, there you go. For posterity. I feel crappy but somewhat optimistic. I have to say that I have been pretty worried about the affect this convention will have on my body. The two times I was in the hospital followed two extremely stressful times in my life (wedding and Holy Week) and my body seemed to process the stress after the event had passed. So, it's good to anticipate some difficulties this week and next and eat carefully and rest and exercise a lot, but I need to be careful not to despair or anticipate disaster.

Please pray.

I hope your Christmastime is going well.

Appt. set

I'm going in Wednesday night at 6:30pm for my dental appointment. Should be fun! Six cavities need temporary fillings and the one I already got needs to be checked (in my opinion; because it's sunk quite deep, but it is only temporary, so we'll see).

So, just wanted you to know. I'm not sure if I'll indulge in drug relief, but I'm certainly not feeling a lot of anxiety about this appointment. I barely remember it. Perhaps partly because I'm so busy!

Love you all. Merry Christmas!

So lucky

You guys are so lucky, getting to hear only about my medical issues. I was reminded of this by a faithful blog reader, and I apologize. It just means that I am not doing a good job of staying in touch with you outside of this blog. ;)

So, here's another medical update:

My dentist stalker, as I am now going to call him, is meeting my husband for prayer (they're prayer partners, did I mention that?) and when they scheduled the prayer time, the dentist also asked if I could come in sometime "soon" to have my other six cavities sedated until next year when I can get real fillings. Because he's worried about the decay necessitating crowns next year and wants to save us money. I asked my husband to clarify "soon" and he said that our friend said "I have openings this week!" Hurumph. That's why he's my dentist stalker. He's always looking out for me and my teeth, and he won't leave my dental health alone! ;) I am very lucky to have such a stalker, I realize, and to have such a talented and reasonably-priced dentist is a gift from the Lord. So, I gave my husband some available times so that they could schedule at the prayer meeting today, and then I'll probably go in for my four shots (b/c there's at least one cavity on the upper right, upper left, lower left, and lower right sides of my mouth--all sides) sometime later this week, maybe even tomorrow. We'll see if I decide to go with the Valium. I'm feeling fine right now, just irritated that I can't wait for this fun work until after the holidays. ;)

As for my Crohn's, I haven't been feeling great, but I think it's okay. Life has been full of positive stress (Thanksgiving travel and family) and negative stress (LONG to-do list at home and large church art project due soon), and both affect my Crohn's the same way. We're working on going on more walks and I'm trying to be careful with what I eat (especially during the holidays). And I'm trying to express emotions healthily and on time.

Thank you for your prayers. I hope your Advent has started well.

I SURVIVED!

Yes, it's true, I survived. And yes, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The valium helped a little to calm me, but truly, the shot itself wasn't nearly as bad as I'd anticipated (I hear a collective, "SEE!"). And I kept my eyes closed and prayed for the rest of the procedure, which went well.

So, praise the Lord! Thank you for praying for me and thinking of me throughout all this.

The dentist said that the tooth was all hollowed out inside, and even cracked, so it was VERY good that I went in when I did. He said I will definitely need a root canal, but that can wait for January. I just have to continue to be gentle with that tooth when chewing.

The main issue right now is that I can't feel a quarter of my mouth area (including half my tongue), and that's very odd. I hope it wears off soon. He said it usually takes half an hour to three hours; the shot he's given that's lastested the longest lasted eight hours. But that's VERY unusual. He gave me lots of warnings to be careful about my tongue, so I'm concentrating on keeping my mouth and jaw from clenching, which I tend to do when nervous. Oh well. I just overeact. ;)

He said I did a great job with the shot (even told my husband when I was in the restroom that he flinches more than I did).

Thank you again. I love you all. Happy Thanksgiving!

New appointment time

TUESDAY. NOON.

I'm feeling much calmer, though I'm still planning to take Valium (we're trying two this time, because one didn't do anything). I talked some more to the dentist about what he's going to do, and that helps me feel better (I usually feel better when I'm better informed). He's going to clean out the tooth and fill it with a "sedative filling," which should be okay until he puts in a crown or something more permanent next year. Sounds good. Also, further feedback from friends about Novicane shots makes me feel calmer as well. Not to mention the biggest help: I received prayer about all this anxiety on Sunday. The anxiety is sadly affecting my Crohn's. So, after all that, I think I'll be fine.

Thank you for your prayers. I'll update the blog with how the appt. went.

RESCHEDULING

Well, as luck (or something else) would have it, my dentist's back is out and he can't come to work this morning. So, we're going to talk at church tomorrow and reschedule.

I'm so sad that my husband and I couldn't sleep in, but glad I don't have to go through it today, but sad that I have to get ready for it all over again another day... Perhaps this false start will lessen the anxiety before the actual event. We'll see.

I'll keep in touch. Thank you for your prayers.

Doing okay

I'm doing okay, just so you know. I'm not freaking out very much, I just happen to think about my appointment tomorrow a lot. And then I just try to give it to the Lord. He can handle my anxiety and instill peace in my mind and heart.

So, I think I'll be fine. I'm feeling especially hopeful because my doctor said there wouldn't be a problem with having dental work on Imuran and I should be fine using Valium on Imuran, too. Yippee! So, I'm doing a little "experiment" tonight, as my dentist/friend instructs me, to see how Valium makes me feel. He said there's a small percentage of people who have the opposite reaction to Valium than hoped: they get really restless and unable to settle down. Or other people just get knocked out and fall asleep. I've had a generic Valium in college for my (first) colonoscopy, and it had the "intended affect:" I was very restful and happy and at ease. I'm hoping I'll have a similar experience this time.

And for anyone worried: my husband will be driving me to and fro tomorrow. ;)

Some of you have brought up a good point: there's a chance that this dental work will improve my health. If indeed my teeth have been allowing bacteria into my body willy-nilly, then closing those doors will keep me healthier. We'll see!

Teeth

Here's the (long) story:

Monday night after small groups, my husband and I were talking to our friend, who's a dentist. We were asking him about dental insurance and how good mine was. He said he would take a look at our teeth, if we wanted, to see what kind of work we might need in the next year, so we'd know what kind of plan to get. I said that I haven't been to the dentist in like seven years (sorry Mom and Dad!) but I would like to know. So, he fit us in today, Wednesday (it's very nice to have a friend who's a dentist).

He took a look this afternoon and said, "Well, you're making up for lost time."

Seven cavities. One of which looks dead and will probably need a root canal and to be rebuilt (crown, etc.). Four wisdom teeth need to be removed.

Start the panic.

As some people who read this blog know, I have a little problem with dentists. I freaked out at the dentist for many years growing up (like, three hygenists holding me down every time, just for teeth cleaning). I was probably in middle school before I settled down. I've only been to one dentist in my life until today, partly because I. Hate. Going. To. The. Dentist.

And now I'm making up for lost time. Yes, I'm freaking out. You know me! But I know that it will be okay, once I get over this hump. And if I take care of my teeth, I probably won't have to worry about this magnitude of work for a long time after all this work gets done.

He asked me when I can come in. I said, "How about January 1, when my insurance kicks in?" He said, how about tomorrow? Yup. He said I cannot wait much longer to take care of especially one of my teeth. It's that bad. So, I'm going in on Saturday.

I write this on my Crohn's blog because (1) it relates to my health and the way I deal with health problems, (2) I want to update my family and friends all at once so you can be praying hard, and (3) my Crohn's adds some difficulty to this situation. If I didn't have Crohn's, I could just sign up for an appointment, get some valium (tee, hee), and get started. Because I have Crohn's and am taking a heavy-duty immunosuppresant drug, I have to get clearance from my doctor, which might mean some preventative medicine before or after the appointment. And I won't be able to take Advil for the exam or for afterwards. And if I want to take Valium (which I do), I need my doctor to okay it.

So, needless to say, please pray. Please pray that I can deal with all this panic as it comes up without repressing it (b/c that flares my Crohn's), but also pray that I can find a way to give it to God and be able to relax during the procedure this Saturday morning (provided my doctor clears me) without ignoring what's going on. There has to be a healthy way to divert my attention, don't you think?

Pray, pray, pray. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Lord Jesus, have mercy.