Anxiety

Well, my anxiety has been getting worse and worse, so I finally decided to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. I made the appointment yesterday to meet with someone MONDAY. I just really need to talk to a Christian, someone who could be holistic in her approach and consider any spiritual warfare possibilities, etc., and someone who could pray with and/or for me.

But I couldn't wait until Monday to see someone, because I was having so much trouble with panic and anxiety. So, I was able to see someone last night after work, because of a cancellation, and that doc prescribed some Xanax to tide me over until the psychiatrist can prescribe something more suited to what's going on.

The Xanax seems to be working, which is nice. It's not one of those drugs that you have to wait a long time to work. However, I googled it this afternoon (BAD idea, self) and found out that there's a risk of dependence, but honestly, I need to take what works and trust that God will watch over me, even over the drug choices that my doctor makes.

I also received prayer from a prayer minister from our church last night. We were at his house for a picnic, and as the party was breaking up, I nervously asked him if he would pray for me. He and my husband prayed, and it was a powerful experience, one I'm still unpacking. I'm so thankful to believe in a powerful God and participate in a loving Church community that believes in healing prayer. Their prayer gave me much-needed perspective and encouragement, and as I think about it right now, I realize that God even chose the specific prayer minister for me to be in contact with, because he has similar issues. They both had such powerful, specific, helpful images come to mind in the prayer, especially my husband, that I was so blessed by and am keeping in my heart and mind today.

I have a hard time with perspective in general, and especially now that I am having panic and anxiety issues, so I hope that God will preserve that newfound perspective in me. I need to keep my eyes on the cross, eyes on Jesus, my heart and mind and soul and eyes on the person of Jesus. He is my savior.

A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean."
Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.

from Mark 40

May the Lord be filled with compassion for me and continue to make me clean.