This Afternoon

This afternoon I have an appointment with my GI. I had to schedule it after my last appointment, so I assume it's just to see how things are going, to see how it's going without my steroids (it's going great!). But I also wonder (as I often do) if the doc is also going to say, "Okay, now that you're stable, let's see about surgery." Because he doesn't want me to keep going in to the hospital at random times. As I've expounded upon in earlier posts, there may be a more permanent problem than inflammation that we'll have to deal with in a major way: scar tissue in the intestines. It doesn't go away with medication.

So, I woke up feeling nervous, but when my husband and I were praying this morning, I felt a lot of peace about the appointment. I felt, as I felt yesterday in church while praying for two friends of ours who are sick with brain cancer and colon cancer, that God has a plan for our lives. It may be to allow us to be sick for awhile. As my husband and I prayed this morning from the Book of Common Prayer: "We thank you also for those disappointments and failures that lead us to acknowledge our dependence on you alone." Hard to hear, but true. I really believe that. And there is freedom in trusting that God has a plan for me. It gives me breathing room, room to say, "I'm doing all I can. And I have to trust that God is working it into a larger plan for me. I'm not in charge of my larger plan."

Things I miss eating (and thus, things that help me to actually want surgery so I can possibly have them again):
-Carbonated beverages (can you believe I haven't had a soda in 3 months???)
-Beef products
-Strawberries
-Fresh peaches
-So much more...

Haven't had these in 6 years or so:
-Most vegetables
-Berries
-Yogurt
-My favorite cereals: this morning I was missing Cheerios. I also miss Grape Nuts, Grape Nut Flakes, Honey Bunches of Oats, Wheat Chex, Ohs, and I could go on.
-Popcorn

I'll let you all know what happens at the doc appt. My husband can come with me, so that'll be cool for him to see (for the first time) what my appointments are like, and also offer help if a big decision must be made.