Flare

Yup. I had a flare.

Saturday afternoon I started feeling hard in my intestines (I don't know how else to describe it), and it didn't lessen but it didn't get worse. I tried to take a walk, to relax, but we had a busy day. We were at a baseball game, and went from there out to eat with friends. I thought eating might help. I had some bread and parmesan cheese and oil, and then a tomato and american bacon pizza. It was downhill from there.

We took a brisk walk around a nearby lake and then drove home. All through the drive home, I was having what felt like fireworks in my intestines, sharp pinpricks of pain that happened especially when I would breath in. It felt like I'd swallowed pins and needles, or burrs, and they were puncturing me or scraping me inside. And I was still having that hard feeling, along with intense gas buildup that wasn't releasing. I needed to lie down.

I got home and laid down and that make the pinpricking stop. I breathed deeply. I tried to massage my abdomen a tiny bit. I took two Maalox. I tried to be calm. The pain was not coming in waves, like it did for my bowel obstructions, so I was comforted by that. I tried to breathe calmly and slowly and think calm thoughts, loosening the muscles in my body to calm all my bodily processes.

It calmed down enough for me to sleep, but I wasn't comfortable enough to roll onto my side. I felt like I needed to stay on my back to keep my abdomen open and to give everything enough room to move around. If I rolled onto one side, the gas/food would buildup at a swollen juncture and the pain would increase. (Of course, these descriptions of what's happening inside my body are largely composed of my own visions of what's happening inside of me, slightly influenced by actual facts from doctors and websites, but mostly made up of my imagination and instincts).

I woke up feeling pretty good. Things were passing, if you know what I mean. I had a Boost for breakfast, and cereal and toast for lunch. I tried to walk slowly after meals and stay calm. I felt really discouraged about this flare.

What caused it? I can think of several reasons, but nothing obvious, which probably means that it's just my Crohn's, which is discouraging.

Potential reasons:

--My husband and I had an intense conversation Friday night.
--I was frantic and stressed on the way to the ball game and ate on the way, eating strawberries.
--I sat in the car and then sat during the game (not a lot of movement to keep my bowels moving).
--Tomatos and bacon are both "caution" items in my Crohn's eating book, because of the skin and the red meat qualities (respectively), and I ate them both when I wasn't feeling well to begin with.
--The brisk walk after dinner was much brisker that I'm used to (two or three times the pace of our usual walks), and may have stirred things up too much.
--I've been feeling anxious lately.
--I wasn't able to lay down or pass gas when I needed to, because of social (eating out and taking a walk with friends) or environmental (car) restrictions.

So, there's my analysis. I'm taking it easy with food and trying to not be stressed, taking more drugs if necessary. I'm trying to sleep more and not be frantic.

And it really shook me up that I didn't call out to the Lord during that time of pain and frustration; I took care of myself by myself. Why didn't I call out? I hate just contacting God when I'm having trouble; I feel ashamed of that. Maybe I wanted to avoid the shame. But the thing is, I can't get through this without the Lord, without His healing and his comfort and direction.

Please pray for me, that this was an isolated incident and that I'd know how to take care of myself in the aftermath. The firework pain was new and frightening.