Doc appt. today

I saw my GI doc today. It was the first time I'd seen him in three months, and there was a bowel obstruction that we had to debrief.

It was a fine appointment. The usual.

However, he said that it seems that it looks like it's not inflammation causing the obstructions: it's the scar tissue inside areas of my intestines. So, Remicade and Humira won't help that. Only surgery can help, "which I've been trying to avoid," he said. But, he said that if that's what's needed, it's not the end of the world.

Good grief.

I left feeling drained. I get so anxious about these appointments with him, not knowing what he'll say about my symptoms. I left with the adrenaline gone.

I need a second opinion.

No, I just need a new doc.

I need someone to give me hope. Someone who'll look at my Crohn's charts (the ones my husband and I made) and not just say, "oh, yeah, that's nice. That's, uh, helpful." Someone who won't say "sure, you can try Shaklee pills. They shouldn't hurt."

I know, I know, I keep saying this. But it's so, so, so hard to think about--much less actually--make an appointment with a new doc, a doc in his practice. It's just that I'm at the end of my rope.

And it's not like the new doc is necessarily going to say "oh, let's try this magical new treatment and watch your eating and stress and I believe I can help you get well!" It's entirely possible that the new doc will say "why haven't you had surgery yet?" and be really kind and generous with me. Do I want a hands-off doc who won't push me into surgery, or a hands-on doc who'll truly believe that surgery is my best option?

I'm afraid. I'm tired. Please pray.