Waiting

I am waiting.

I am waiting for this baby to arrive. We've reached 36 weeks, 2 days, and are within safe limits for the baby. 37 weeks is full term, so if we make it to Sunday, we're totally golden.

And while I'd love to make it to both of my baby showers this weekend (Sat and Sun), and to the concert Kurt and I have tickets to Fri night, and to the movie date we have with friends on Sat, I would NOT mind having this baby RIGHT NOW.

Yes, that's right.

I would like to pop her out right now. I'd like the contractions to start right as I'm typing these words. I'd then like my water to break (so that labor is DEFINITELY on the way) and go to the hospital. I'd like to experience mind-blowing pain followed by a bundle of joy in my arms, breastfeeding at my breast.

TODAY.

Any time now.

It's just that, and I know this is selfish, I'm so sick and tired of the constant backache. The way my intestines keep tensing up painfully with Crohn's contractions. The boredom during the days. The need to eat a lot but feeling so big and full and in intestinal pain. The need to sleep and rest a lot and therefore miss out a lot on life.

I do realize that when the baby is born I will have new pain to contend with. I will have a new little person dependant on my body for survival. Probable stress from the birth affecting my Crohn's, at least for a time. Sleeplessness, sleeplessness, sleeplessness.

But right now, none of that matters at all.