Deep Thoughts

I mentioned to my husband that I've been avoiding updating this blog because I find myself in a period of life where I don't want to admit that I have Crohn's. I don't want to think about it. I want to wish it away.

But I can't.

So I need to write, he says. I haltingly agree.

Right now my Crohn's is not doing incredibly well. I have pain the afternoons and evenings and I'm not eating anything adventurous. I'm not very stressed out, though I am busy. I am getting a good amount of sleep. I'm taking all my drugs.

And yet my Crohn's isn't great.

This is one of the lessons of living with Crohn's, a chronic disease that the doctors still don't know a lot about (is it genetic? Is it autoimmune? what's really going on with the inflammation? No one knows): you can do all you can to control the disease and control the symptoms, but sometimes, Crohn's will do what it wants. For no reason discernible to humankind.

So, I try to relax. I try not to mull it over too much. I try not to think over and over my food choices, my stress levels, my sleep patterns. I do the best I can and then I sit it out. I assess my pain levels, I wait for the baby to kick, and I wait for the pain to pass and a new day to begin. The mornings are always great, with the food fully passed through my small intestines.

The baby is doing amazingly well, I think, for someone with Crohn's. He/she is the right size, he/she is very active, he/she has all his/her body parts, he/she has a great amount of amniotic fluid to play in. Praise God! May it continue.